Tips to Start Talking Money with Your Spouse

Money and relationships don’t have to clash.

Talking about money with your spouse is critical not only to your future planning but also to the strength of your marriage. Money is the number two reason for divorce among couples (only behind infidelity). It’s easy to see why: money touches everything. If you and your spouse don’t have positive communication around money and support each other’s values, it can lead to constant bickering and fighting and a path to nowhere.

Start with Values

Write a list of your top five values. It doesn’t need to be about money, just whatever’s important to you. Have your spouse do the same. Now compare your lists and identify your similarities and differences. This can really help identify your relationship with money. For example, you may list adventure as a value which is why you want to spend so much money on travel. Having your values aligned is helpful but by no means necessary. Understanding why you’re making choices about money is important.

Dream Together

Many couples never talk about their retirement plans with each other. If you don’t discuss your dreams for retirement then you end up making assumptions about what the other wants. Maybe your spouse wants to backpack across Europe together like you’re dreaming of. Or maybe not. The only way you’ll know is by talking about it. This should be the fun part! Close your eyes, dream about what the next chapter of your life will be like and talk about it. Most importantly, having open conversations about your future allows you to plan for it, rather than just letting your future happen.

Focus on Strengths

We all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses. The key is to find the strengths and exploit them! Are you really good with numbers while your spouse is a really good communicator? Great! You handle the budgeting and let you spouse call to negotiate the cable bill. Don’t forget that you’re a team. Use your strengths to team’s advantage!

Set a “Money Date”

A healthy relationship is more than a romantic partnership; it’s also a business partnership, and it helps to treat it like one when it comes to finances. This is a great time to review your goals, talk about big purchases, make sure you’re on track to pay down that debt, save for that vacation, etc. It’s also a great opportunity to rehash those dreams at least once a month. You’ll find it so much easier to stay on track when that dream is alive and well in your mind. Pick a day and time when you and your partner can sit down to talk about finances without distractions. Once a month gives you a good amount of time to plan and execute. It’s also easy to remember. So how about the first Friday of every month?